


what a joy (i have dreamed)

by xxan



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, Historical Inaccuracy, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, so much inaccuracy, steve/tony is endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 00:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxan/pseuds/xxan
Summary: Sometimes it hurt so fucking much, being this close to everything he’s ever wanted but not allowed to touch.In which Sir Tony Stark has always loved Steve Rogers, a man who belongs to someone else.





	

**Author's Note:**

> slightly spoilery warnings for possible triggers in the end notes. this takes place in a victorian au where homophobia does not exist but people are still assholes.  
> unbeta'ed

Sometimes it hurt so fucking much, being this close to everything he’s ever wanted but not allowed to touch.  Tony knocked back his drink, relishing the burn on the way down.  He hated these parties.  And Ty knew it, dear God does he know.  King Tiberius, still jealous of Tony from their days at finishing school together, loved to throw these exorbitant soirees with the sole purpose of ticking off Tony. 

 

“So as I was saying, he takes it like any common whore.”  Ty laughed from across the table.  “Un-fucking-believable.  Looser than any pussy, too.  Cries so prettily, too.  Sometimes I get off on just making him cry.”

 

Ty stopped to lock eyes with Tony.  “And the best part?  He’s all mine.”

 

The other men fawning over Tiberius all chittered before adding to the discussion, bragging about their mistresses and prostitutes, but Tony shut them out.  He couldn’t stand to hear all this bullshit.  It was like in Ty’s presence, all gentlemen lost their decorum.  He knew Ty hated him, hated how he was always seated at the high table.  Hated how he knew intimately he knew the small man standing behind Ty’s enormous ugly chair.  Hated that his hate gave Ty all the satisfaction in the world.  Hated how he couldn’t control himself around Steve.

 

Steve.  The man he’d loved forever.  They’d met here, in Ty’s ridiculous summer palace, almost twenty years ago.  Howard had sent Tony to Oxford, where he had met Tiberius Stone, only heir to the Duke of Stonewall.  Howard, thrilled that his son was rubbing elbows with royalty, encouraged their friendship.  Howard, for all his vast wealth and booming business, could never forget his working class beginnings.  The only problem with Howard’s scheming was Tony’s hatred of Tiberius.  Ty always had been a manipulative, possessive son of a bitch.  He caught them one summer, fooling around in the stables.  The next day, Steve had broken it off between them, and they hadn’t talked since.  But every year since, Tony had to sit through party after party, while he watched Ty manhandle Steve.  And after every party, Tony always promised that that would be his last.  But he always broke that promise for the chance to see Steve again.  And that was why he was here, stealing desperate glances at Steve, who had stopped returning them years ago.

 

Tony’s hands itched with want.

 

Finally, the meal was over, and Tony could politely excuse himself to the gardens.  Paper lanterns lit the way, and Tony grabbed one before entering the maze.  Tiberius had uniquely beautiful gardens; for the few summers that Steve was his, the two of them would spend all their time hiding behind the topiary and in the sprawling hedge maze.  Now, Tony made his way over to what he and Steve had christened their special spot.  Their special place was the perfect hiding place, two weeping willows tucked into one of the maze’s dead ends.

 

He placed his lantern down on the ground before laying under what used to be his tree.  He closed his eyes and tried to take his mind off the miserable present.  He didn’t know how long he stayed under that tree, but he did know that the longer he spent there, the more he could pretend that Steve was right there by his side.  When he did finally open his eyes, he glanced to his left, half hoping that his love really would be there.  Of course he wasn’t, and Tony felt a bitter lurch in his heart. 

 

Tony heard footsteps approaching, and sitting up, quickly gathered himself together.  When they stopped, Tony looked up to see—

 

“Steve.”

 

He was just as breathtaking as ever, and somehow more handsome up close.  His beautiful blue eyes twinkled in the fading lantern light.  He, too, wore a melancholy look on his face.

 

“Sorry, sir, I didn’t realize anyone would be here.”  Steve quickly apologized.  “Oh.  It’s you.”

 

Tony felt his heart beating against his ribcage.

 

“I was just leaving,” he explained.

 

“No!  Stay!  That is, if you want.”  Steve amended.

 

“Alright.  I will if you will, too.”

 

Steve lowered himself down next to Tony.  They sat for a few minutes in silence for a few minutes, before Steve blurted out,

 

“Do you still love me?”

 

“What?” Tony was flabbergasted.

 

“I am so sorry!  That was incredibly out of line.”

 

“Why do you ask?”  Tony whispered, afraid to hear the answer, but also knowing that he needed to know this.

 

“I don’t mean to offend you, it’s just that, this is our spot.  I thought you stopped loving me years ago, but here we are, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe…” Steve trailed off, his eyes fixed on a far off point.  Tony wondered if Steve was seeing their history, too.  “But of course, you have changed so much!  It was a bit silly of me to assume—”

 

Whatever Steve had assumed was cut off as Tony covered Steve’s mouth with his own.  It was their first kiss in over a decade, but God, with Steve pressed up against him, it felt like no time had passed at all.  And Steve was kissing back, touching back, and Tony was seeing stars when they finally broke apart, foreheads touching, breaths mingling.

 

“Steven Rogers, I have never stopped loving you.”  Tony whispered, his lips touching Steve’s as they moved.

 

And then he was being kissed again, and this time Steve was calling the shots.  He pressed Tony down against the ground, pinning him in place with his arms and legs.  Tony arched up, feeling his erection brush up against Steve’s.  He groaned before bringing his hips up again.  The next thing he knew, Steve’s hand has down his pants and it felt _so good_ , and Tony never wanted it to stop.  Tony gasped when he came.

 

* * *

 

Tony must have blacked out, because when he woke, he was in Steve’s arms and the sun was just barely peeking out on the horizon.  He looked down at their mess, wondering how they were going to fix that.  He also had a terrible ache in his neck from sleeping on the ground, but when he tried squirming out of Steve’s embrace, Steve just pulled him in closer.

 

Tony couldn’t help the small, pleased grin on his face.

 

“G’morning, handsome,” Steve mumbled with a sleepy grin.

 

“Hello, beautiful.”  Tony reached up a hand to brush a strand of beautiful blonde hair out of Steve’s eyes.

 

“I don’t want to get up,” Steve confessed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“Then don’t,” Tony replied.  He would let himself have this for as long as he could.

 

They laid there for a few hours more, watching the sun slowly creep up.  But Tony couldn’t forget the niggling thought that Steve wasn’t his to have and hold.  And suddenly, Steve’s wonderful touch seemed to burn him.

 

“Steve, you have to let go of me.  Now.”  Tony pushed away from Steve and scrambled to get up.

 

“Tony, wait!”  Steve grabbed Tony’s hand before he could escape.  “Please don’t go.”

 

Tony sighed, running his free hand through his hair.

 

“What are we doing here, Steve?  Nothing can come from this.  You have Tiberius now.”

 

Steve swallowed.  “Of course.”  He dropped Tony’s hand.  “You were right.  This was a mistake.”  And then just like that, Steve was gone.

 

For the first time in a long while, Tony cried.

 

* * *

 

The next day was much like the previous one; Tony listened to Tiberius’s sexual conquests while other nobles joined in, drank a little too much, and cared a little too less.  Except today, he had fresh memories of Steve’s fingers on his skin and the taste of his kisses in his mouth.  And today, he saw neither hide nor hair of Steve.  So what if he maybe drank just a little too much?  It wasn’t like he had anything to stay sober for.  Tony tried to find their spot again, hoping he could relive yesterday.  But the maze was just a little too hard, and Tony was just a little too drunk, so he collapsed on a bench next to a statue of Psyche and Eros.

 

This time, when Tony woke up, it was in a bed.  Much nicer than the bed Ty put in his room.

 

“Looks like you’re awake.  That’s good to know, since you tried to drown yourself in a bottle yesterday.”  Steve was sitting on a settee a few feet away from the bed, reading a thick book.  Of course this was Steve’s room.  No one else would care enough to let him sleep in their bed without earning it.

 

“Thanks for saving me, Steve.”  Tony winced.  His head was pounding, and not just from the hangover.  He could feel a Steve fight coming on, and he was not in the mood.

 

“You’re welcome, but for the record, I shouldn’t have had to.”

 

“Why do you care?”  Tony shouted.  Steve looked startled.  “Why do you care if I live or die?  You should have just left me where you found me.  You should be warming Tiberius’s bed.”

 

Steve reeled like he’d been shot.  “Is that what this is about?  Is that what all of this is about?  My breaking up with you?  It’s been over a decade, Tony.”

 

“Well, apparently, it goes both ways, because I’m pretty sure it was your hand on my dick last night!”

 

“Of course I still love you, Tony!  But you think I didn’t notice how you shrunk away from my touch this morning?  Because you did, and it _hurt_!”

 

“If you loved me so much, why did you leave me?”  Tony screamed.  And with that, all the fight left Steve.

 

“I thought I was helping you.”  Steve said in a small, sad voice.

 

Tony had not been expecting that, but damned if he was going to let Steve go uncomforted.

 

“Steve, come here and hold my hand already.  And then tell me everything.”

 

Steve snuggled up on the bed next to Tony, gripping his hand.  Tony would have complained about Steve’s too tight grip, but Steve was looking at him like he was something wonderful, so he let it slide.

 

“After Tiberius found us together, he approached me with a threat.  He told me he would tell your father about what we were doing, and I knew that if Howard had found out, he would have disowned you for being with someone so below you.  I couldn’t spare your happiness for mine.  He then promised me that he would keep our secret on the condition that I become his consort.  And, in time, I figured you would forget about me and move on.  But I guess neither of us did.”  Steve finished with a bitter chuckle.

 

And what could Tony even say to that?  It was so typical of Steve to sacrifice himself for others, especially without even asking for a second opinion or help.  He pressed his hand to Steve’s cheek, and Steve turned his head to kiss it.

 

“Steve, honey, I don’t even know what you’ve gone through, just to make me happy.  But I was never truly happy without you.  I have never, and will never, love someone like I love you.”

 

Then Tony kissed him just because he could.  They made out for a while after that, and they shared some stories from their years apart.

 

“We can’t stay in here forever,” Steve said after Tony had finished telling the story of the latest noblewoman vying for his hand in marriage.  “Tiberius will find us eventually.”

 

“Then run away with me!” Tony exclaimed, shocked that he hadn’t thought of it earlier.

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

“Of course I am!  Steve, I am the second wealthiest man in London.  There’s nowhere we can’t go.  Don’t you think that twenty years is a long time to love each other without getting married?”

 

“Why, Mr. Stark, are you proposing?”  Steve grinned.

 

“Mr. Rogers, I suppose I am.  Stand up with me so I can kneel.”

 

“Tony, that’s ridiculous, I’m not getting out of this bed.”

 

“Alright, fine.  I guess I won’t be romantic.  Steven Grant Rogers, will you marry me?”

 

Steve never answered because he was too busy smooching Tony within an inch of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> in the second paragraph, tiberius describes a very non-con situation. However, there are no depictions of on screen rape. please keep that in mind as you read!  
> Title/basic plot from The King and I.  
> thanks for reading!


End file.
